It's Just One of Those Days

Okay... I'm trying to keep my cool the best way i know how. It is most definitely a mystery why i continue to put up with so much unnecessary shit. In the words of Grandmaster Flash, "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge, I'm tryin not to loose my head." I swear once i find what i have been waiting for the bullshit will end. I wont give up because i know God has his own way of doing things, so i will wait.
Yesterday i was talking to a "friend" and he was asking me about some past relationships that i had forced myself to forget about, and it resurfaced all the old hurt that i had packed away. I know that everyone goes through shit every now and again but it is so hard for me to endure the pain because i don't feel i have anyone i can really turn to for comforting or advice. That's why i write i guess, even though I'm pretty much just talking to myself ( oh well).
Anyway i found one of the poems that i wrote a long time ago. It's actually kind of funny reading it now because i was so stupid. I swore i was in love, not even knowing the real meaning. I know i didn't know the meaning then because i still don't really know the definition of love, if there is on at all. But regardless if i was i love or not i was still hurt. Details are irrelevant, just know the shit hurt! This is for my first Heart breaker you know who you are young sir.

I Would Never...

July 10th 2006

1:45 am (lol smh)

I would never wish anyone pain

I just want his heart to hurt the same,

As mine did when he shattered it

And left me here to piece back every bit.

I would never wish death on any human soul

but Karma is a bitch and his heart must pay the toll.

Because what goes around, comes around. That's the truth.

A simple lesson that must be learned during youth.

I would never want to make anyone cry

But to say i wouldn't want to see his tears would be a damn lie

It would not make me joyful or spark need for rejoice

but i would capture the moment forever if i had that choice

I would never want him to have sleepless nights,

or tossing and turning in his bed.

but i would like to know the days he did me wrong

what was going through his head.

I would never wish bad things on anyone

because that's not how i was raised

however the fact that, that is irrelevant

to him still leaves me amazed.

They say watch what you say,

because it might come to be forever.

So for now i will leave all my wishing alone because....

I WOULD NEVER!!!