It's Just One of Those Days

Okay... I'm trying to keep my cool the best way i know how. It is most definitely a mystery why i continue to put up with so much unnecessary shit. In the words of Grandmaster Flash, "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge, I'm tryin not to loose my head." I swear once i find what i have been waiting for the bullshit will end. I wont give up because i know God has his own way of doing things, so i will wait.
Yesterday i was talking to a "friend" and he was asking me about some past relationships that i had forced myself to forget about, and it resurfaced all the old hurt that i had packed away. I know that everyone goes through shit every now and again but it is so hard for me to endure the pain because i don't feel i have anyone i can really turn to for comforting or advice. That's why i write i guess, even though I'm pretty much just talking to myself ( oh well).
Anyway i found one of the poems that i wrote a long time ago. It's actually kind of funny reading it now because i was so stupid. I swore i was in love, not even knowing the real meaning. I know i didn't know the meaning then because i still don't really know the definition of love, if there is on at all. But regardless if i was i love or not i was still hurt. Details are irrelevant, just know the shit hurt! This is for my first Heart breaker you know who you are young sir.

I Would Never...

July 10th 2006

1:45 am (lol smh)

I would never wish anyone pain

I just want his heart to hurt the same,

As mine did when he shattered it

And left me here to piece back every bit.

I would never wish death on any human soul

but Karma is a bitch and his heart must pay the toll.

Because what goes around, comes around. That's the truth.

A simple lesson that must be learned during youth.

I would never want to make anyone cry

But to say i wouldn't want to see his tears would be a damn lie

It would not make me joyful or spark need for rejoice

but i would capture the moment forever if i had that choice

I would never want him to have sleepless nights,

or tossing and turning in his bed.

but i would like to know the days he did me wrong

what was going through his head.

I would never wish bad things on anyone

because that's not how i was raised

however the fact that, that is irrelevant

to him still leaves me amazed.

They say watch what you say,

because it might come to be forever.

So for now i will leave all my wishing alone because....

I WOULD NEVER!!!

L.A.M.E. (i'm signed to N.E.R.D.)

Okay so i was just talkin to myself 10 minutes ago

and myself said, "Oyin you should definitely blog more often!"

and I said to Me, "GREAT IDEA BABY CAKES!"

So watch out now Blog Nation!!!!

Lovin Hill

"Lovin Hill" is a poem i wrote during a very trying period of my life. I was stressed from so many things that i am surprised i overcame it all. I thank God, my writing and Lauryn Hill for that. I feel like every time i listen to her music i get a different message even if it's the same exact song. I got the inspiration to write this song from India Arie and her song called "Wonderful", It was a tribute song to Stevie Wonder :) So here is my "Lovin Hill", my tribute to Ms. Lauryn Hill:

You will need to kill a chill pill,

to stay real, and not feel ill
on sweet Lovin Hill

Maybe my best bet would be to
re-direct my focus from that thing, that thing
cause THAT THING may not be for me
So instead I'll do well for me so everything is everything

You will need to kill a chill pill,
to stay real, and not feel ill
on sweet Lovin Hill

I tried many times before
to find the sweetest thing I'd ever know
cause she said it could all be so simple
but you'd rather break me and leave me crippled

You will need to kill a chill pill,
to stay real, and not feel ill
on sweet Lovin Hill

I used to love him, but now i don't
I may fall again but i pray i won't
my heart broke, it was left in shatters
so now nothing even matters... to me

You will need to kill a chill pill,
to stay real, and not feel ill
on sweet Lovin Hill

you might go numb cause you just lost one
because i will follow him, I'll be taken to the sun
will remain joyful joyful and carry on
because now the joy of my heart is in Zion.

You will need to kill a chill pill,
to stay real, and not feel ill
on sweet Lovin Hill

Ugly Truth

An original piece by me Entitled: Ugly Truth

If you think you know what love is

Let me tell you that you're wrong

It's not all hugs and kisses

It's an ugly morbid song

It starts off with two people

Who swear that they're in love

their hearts soar like birds and bees

in the lovely skies above

Then things start to get shady

intentions are not clear

you stop saying what yo feel inside

because separation is what you fear

Now your dates have become silent

You can even say they're weird

but you know things are really bad

when he starts rubbing on his beard

That means he's having a hard time

getting out what he needs to say

he looks you in the eye and says I'm sorry

but our relationship has to end today.